How much freedom should I give?
When children enter adolescence beg their parents for more freedom. In contrast, the parents have to balance between their desire to foster greater confidence, greater ability to fend for themselves and the knowledge that the world can be a very dangerous and threatening the health and safety of children.
Some parents give them too much freedom in some wrong things, or give them too many privileges before the adolescent is ready for them. Other parents sin to keep too tightly with the children, denying them the opportunities they need to mature and learn to make decisions for themselves, and accept the consequences thereof.
Scientific studies indicate that adolescents do best when they maintain a strong bond with their parents but at the same time are allowed to have their own views and even disagree with them. Here are some tips to balance closeness and independence:
- Set limits. All children are reluctant to impose limits, but at the same time the want and need. In a world that busiest day is for adults and youth, the limits provide a sense of security. Often, teens feel unloved if their parents do not impose limits. The boundaries are easier to fix when it begins when children are young. It is more difficult but not impossible, to set limits during the early years of adolescence.
- Speak clearly. Most teens respond best to specific instructions that are repeated regularly. As a high school teacher said Sharon Sikora, "Do not just say, 'I want to clean your room' because they do not always sure what that means. Say, a non-argumentative, 'This is how I define a clean room. " They may say, 'I do not want the lamp in the corner, I want here. " Give them enough freedom to express themselves. "
- Give reasonable choices. When several choices teens are more willing to accept advice. For example, you can remind your child has to finish his task algebra before going to bed, but can give you to choose if you prefer to do homework before or after dinner. Or you can tell your 14 years can not walk with her friends in a video arcade Saturday night, but you can invite a group of friends to her house to watch movies.
If you use humor and creativity to offer several options, it will be easier for your child to accept. A teacher could not get your child to hang up clean clothes or deposit your dirty clothes in their basket. So I gave him two options, or all the clothes had to be raised or all the clothes would stay on the floor. "For a while I was washing clothes and putting them in piles on the floor," the teacher recalls. "I went crazy but it worked." After two weeks, her daughter got tired of searching their clothes on the floor and began to pick up your clothes.
- Grant independence in stages. As you increase maturity and responsibility of a teenager, you can give more privileges. Perhaps at first given the opportunity to choose their shoes, provided they do not cost more than a certain amount. Later you can let him make his own purchases, with the agreement that will remove the labels on the clothes until you approve your selection. Eventually you can give a fixed amount of money to buy clothes that you like.
He needs to know that the love you have requires you to prohibit certain activities or options that threaten their health or safety.
- Health and safety come first. The biggest responsibility as parents to protect the health and safety of your child. He needs to know that the love you have requires you to prohibit certain activities or options that threaten their health or safety. Let your child know what things you define as threats to their health and safety, and others-and do not allow no excuses or exceptions. It is sometimes difficult though, because adolescents often feel that nothing can hurt them. Teens feel that everything they are experiencing is new and unique, but also believe that what has happened to others can happen to them. His beliefs are based on the fact that adolescence is the healthiest stage of life. During this stage, diseases are not common and deadly diseases are extremely rare. The thing to emphasize is that although they enjoy a wonderful health, violence and accidents are major causes of death and injury among adolescents.
- Refuse to accept that cut off future options. not worth fighting for everything. Although it may offend your aesthetic sense that your child prefers to wear a shirt that does not match your pants, this is not an option to cut off future. Although teenagers are becoming more aware about the future, yet lack the experience necessary to fully understand how a decision will be made today affect the future. They may have heard that smoking is bad for your health, you may not understand what it means to die of lung cancer at the age of 45. Talk to your kids about the consequences of their decisions. Help them understand that there are good and bad decisions and know the difference between one and the other can make a difference in their lives. Let your child understand that you are the "guardian of the options" until he is mature and responsible enough to take the job: Perhaps so avoid missing school or to stop taking tough courses that will prepare you better for college. Help them
understand that there are good and bad decisions and know the difference between one and the other can make a difference in their lives.
- Guide, but resist the temptation to control. In the previous section we discussed the importance of adopting a balanced approach between imposing rules and allowing too much freedom. With most teenagers, the easiest way to achieve this balance is to guide without controlling them. Adolescents need opportunities to explore different roles, try on new personalities and experience. Implying that make mistakes and must learn to accept the results. But parents need to guide them to prevent youngsters making too many mistakes.
You can be a good guide to listen carefully and ask questions that help your child to think about the consequences of their actions: "What would happen if you allow a friend to bring you home drunk?" Their advice will be most appreciated if you ask your advice and follows them, provided they are reasonable: "What we cook for Daddy's birthday party?" "I have to work on Saturday. Is there anything special you want to do?"
line between guiding and controlling may be different for each person. Some children, whether they are 7 or 17 years of age, need more firmness and fewer privileges than other children the same age. A teacher explains how the differences in the behavior of their two teenagers created the need to define the limits for each: "My daughter understood very well that if it was supposed to come at twelve o'clock, this meant he would be after closed before 12, or it should have called the emergency room to inform them that had broken a leg. My son, 15 months her junior, thought the same rule meant that the arrival time of 12 meant at 11:59 that we would call to inform us that after eating the pizza that he and his friends had just ordered and after made six of his friends in their homes. "
- Let them make mistakes. all want our children to become adults who can solve problems and make good decisions. These skills are an integral part of independence. Without But to develop these skills, adolescents may need to fail a little, if risks are not too high and no health or safety is at risk. Making mistakes also teaches an important skill-how to recover from a misstep. It is very difficult for a youngster to learn how to pick himself up and start again if your parents always rescue him from life's difficulties.
- Ensure that actions have consequences. If you tell your child to get home at 10 midnight, do not ignore her coming home at noon. You lose credibility with your child if he does not suffer for having arrived two hours late. However, the punishment should be proportionate to the offense. A punishment for six weeks with plans for the whole family. Better talk to him about his tardiness has affected you. Could not wait to rest for. But you still have to get up at the regular time in the morning, prepare breakfast, do chores and go to work. But the lack of consideration of their son has caused various problems, and he will have to be responsible for some of their duties for you to go to bed early tomorrow.
Your teenager may want to dye her hair purple and pierce all over the body, but these expressions may be related to who he is and who she will become.
Finally, despite everything you hear or read, adolescents trust their parents more than any other person to guide the formation of their lives. As for the moral and ethical concerns, political and religious beliefs, adolescents usually have more in common with their parents than they realize. As parent, look beyond the surface, deeper than what the behavior suggests to find the person your teenager is about to become. Your child may want to dye her hair purple and pierce all over the body, but these expressions may be related to who he is and who she will become. But at the same time that many of the behaviors of adolescents are of greater consequence, some will not only be harmful if not fatal.
Parents need to talk with their children and make clear that many of the threats to their health and happiness in the future will not happen by accident, but because they chose-decisions like drinking and driving, smoking, take drugs, get into sexual activity, and leave the school.
Research indicates that adolescents who engage in risky behavior are more likely to participate in others, then parents should be direct and honest and talk to their children about the deadly consequences it entails to open that Pandora's box.
