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Friendships


How I can help form good friendships and to resist harmful peer pressure?

Friendships can affect many areas of adolescent life-skills, how they spend their time, what clubs they belong and how they behave in public places like shopping malls. Youngsters who have difficulty forming friendships have a low self-esteem, do not stand out so well in school, sometimes not finishing high school, and fall into crime and suffer from a variety of psychological problems as adults .

Children of all ages need to feel they fit into your social life that are in their environment. Upon reaching adolescence, the need to be "part of the group is stronger than any other age. Friendships are closer and more important and will help determine who they are and where they go. It is more likely to form small groups or cliques, each with its special identity (eg, athletes, scholars, schoolchildren and the Stooges)

Many parents worry that their children's friends exert too much influence in their lives and that their influence will diminish. Parents worry even more if the friends of their children encourage them to participate in dangerous or harmful.

Studies by psychologist Thomas Berndt and colleagues have shown that friends do influence attitudes and behavior and that, over time, friends become more and more in their attitudes and behavior. For example, adolescents whose friends described themselves as problematic in school, tend to increase their own bad behavior in the course of the year.

The influence of friends feels much more from the seventh to ninth grades. During this time, friends often influence tastes in music, clothing and hairstyles, as well as activities in which to participate. However, peers do not replace parents. You remain who most influences the child's life. Adolescents tend to seek out parents more than friends when it comes to what plans do after high school, what career to choose and what religious and moral values \u200b\u200bwill follow. This influence is greatest when the relationship between father and son is strong.

Here are some tips to guide you in helping your child to form good friendships:

Teenagers tend to look to their parents than their friends when it comes to what plans do after high school.

- Recognize that peer pressure can be good or bad. Most adolescents are attracted to the friends who have many things in common. If your child chooses friends uninterested in school or take bad grades, may be less willing to study or do homework. If you choose friends who enjoy learning and get good grades, their motivation to excel academically will be stronger. Friends who avoid the use of alcohol or drugs will be a good influence on her son.

- Meet your child's friends. A good way to learn about your friends is to drive to events, talk to them in the car can reveal a lot. You can invite to your home. Help create a comfortable environment and offer something to eat. When friends come to visit you can allow your child to set the rules of conduct and at the same time give you the opportunity to better understand what they talk about and what are their concerns.

- Meet the parents of your child's friends. do not need to be intimate friends, but it helps to know whether the attitudes and preferences as parents are compatible with theirs. Former principal Carole Kennedy explains, "While the friend may seem okay, you need to know if an adult will be present in the other house to supervise." If you know the friends' parents will be easier to find what you need to know: where they go, with whom they are, what time activity begins and ends, will there be an adult and how they are transported to the event and home.

Spending time with friends, perhaps your child to change some behaviors that annoy others.

- Give your child free time in a safe place to hang out with friends. activities are important, but too many piano lessons and basketball practice can lead to burnout. Your child can develop new social skills and share ideas with friends if you allow free time to hang out with friends in a safe and supervised by adults. For example, among friends your child can learn that good friends know how to listen carefully, which are provided to help and are confident (but not too much), who demonstrate their enthusiasm, they have a good sense of humor and respect other people. Spending time with friends, perhaps your child to change some behaviors that annoy other people: being too serious or apathetic, too picky or stubborn.

- Talk to your child about friends, about friendship and how to make good choices. is very normal for teenagers to give much importance to what others think of them. Therefore it is extremely important that you talk to your kid about how to resist the pressure to disobey the rules or commit norms and values \u200b\u200bthat have been instilled. You can talk about being a good friend and how friendships are strengthened or diminished. You can also talk about the importance of making good decisions when riding with friends. "I always tell them, 'If it feels wrong, chances are it is,'" says teacher Barbara Braithwaite. Charles Summers The teacher tells his students and his own children, "You need to examine who you are when you're with that friend." He also suggests asking, "How do I want others describe me?" The answers that can guide children to give them to make better decisions.

- Teach how out of bad situations. Talk to your child about dangerous or inappropriate situations that may arise and how to cope. Ask your 14 year old daughter would do if a girlfriend came to an evening with a bottle of wine in her purse. Ask your 12 year old son what he would do if a friend suggested she leave school to buy hamburgers.

Ideally, young people can say "no" to a dangerous or destructive. But if you still have not learned this skill on their own, Ms. Marianne Cavanaugh, Connecticut mother suggested an alternative: "Sometimes kids do not want to do what the friends want to do. I tell my children blame me-to tell his friends that his mom says "no." Sometimes this takes away some pressure. "Finally, no child should leave home without change for the phone. As a last resort, this could save your life. A mobile phone may also be appropriate if family finances permit and if the boy knows how to use the phone responsibly.

- Monitor friendships to help your child avoid risky and unhealthy behaviors. Teens need supervision, especially during after school hours that are so important. Keep an eye on those who are friends your child and what they do when they get together. Bill Gangl, a middle school teacher in Minnesota, suggests, "Do not be afraid to be the annoying parent that calls the other house to make sure your child is there. And do not be afraid to say no."

Many middle school teachers and parents with children this age have different views on the consequences of trying to ban teens to get together with friends than their parents think they do not agree. Some youngsters will rebel if they are forbidden to hang out with some friends. Many adults who work with adolescents suggest better clarify the boy not only the fact that you do not feel comfortable with your choice of friends, but their reasons. They also suggest that you limit the amount of time and activities that let you do with those friends.

Many adults who work with adolescents suggest better clarify the boy not only the fact that you do not feel comfortable with your choice of friends, but their reasons.

- Set a good example as a friend. The example you provide has a greater impact than any sermon that can give you. Youngsters who see their parents treated with respect and kindness to each other and to their friends definitely have an advantage. Bake cookies for new neighbors or listening sympathetically when a friend may be sad a very powerful message for your child.

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The confidence


How I can help my child to become more self-confidence?

Teenagers often feel inadequate. They have new bodies and developing minds and relationships with friends and family that are changing. First understand that not always do everything right. Changes in their lives sometimes go faster than the ability to adapt.

Low self-esteem usually worsens during the first years of adolescence, then improves somewhat during the following years as new identities are strengthened and focused. At any age, lack of confidence itself can be a serious problem. Teens who lack self-esteem may be lonely, awkward in their dealings with others and very sensitive to criticism about what they think are their shortcomings. Young boys with low self-confidence are less likely to participate in activities with their peers and form friendships with them. This further isolates them and prevents develop a better image of themselves. And when you make friends, are more vulnerable to negative peer pressure.

Some teens who do not have confidence in themselves fail to participate in class. Others act out for attention. At its worst, lack of confidence is related to self-destructive behavior and bad habits such as smoking, drinking alcohol and taking drugs.

Girls often doubt themselves more than men (although there are exceptions). This is due to several reasons:

- Society sends the message that what matters is that they get along with everyone and to be very, very thin and pretty. Life can be equally hard for a boy who thinks he has to meet the expectations of society who say that all men must be good athletes and should play well for physical activity.
- Girls mature physically about two years earlier than males, which requires them to deal with issues as it looks, popularity and sexuality before they are emotionally mature to do so.
- The girls receive mixed messages about the importance of academic performance. Although they are told they must set high academic goals for themselves, many men fear that they will be displeasing if they seem too intelligent or capable, especially in mathematics, science and technology.

If your teen suffers from a crisis of confidence for a long time, you may benefit from seeing a counselor or another professional. This is particularly true if there is a problem with drugs or alcohol, a learning disability, an eating disorder like bulimia or anorexia, or clinical depression. (See the section entitled Problems, for more information that can help you determine if your child fits into one of these categories.) Most adolescents overcome periods of instability over time and with your support.

There are certain things that the teen feel more confident in their ability to do well than others.

Most psychologists feel that self-esteem and confidence in itself represent a variety of feelings that a young man has about himself under different circumstances. Psychologist Susan Harter has developed a theory about self-confidence that believes that a teenager feels about any type of activity and how important this type of activity for him. For example, adolescents may think about various situations: competing on the track team, studying mathematics, engage in romantic relationships, caring for younger siblings, and others. There are certain things that the teen feel more confident in their ability to do well than others. Perhaps you feel very good about his athleticism and knowledge of mathematics, but it feels bad when it comes to his romantic life is concerned. Perhaps doubt that it is a good brother. How well this young man will feel will depend on how important are each of these aspects of his life. If you have a boyfriend or girlfriend is what matters most, this person will feel worse. If what matters most is to highlight both academically and in sports, then it is likely that their self-concept will be pretty good. Using this theory as a basis, the best ways to help your child develop self-confidence are:

. Provide opportunities to succeed. As stated by the teacher Diane Crim, "The best way to encourage confidence in someone is offering them opportunities to succeed. We must facilitate their success by giving them experiences through which they can see all the power they have. The boys are figuring out these experiences. Part of what creates confidence is knowing what to do when you do not know what to do.

Help your child to build confidence in their abilities to encourage you to take an art class, act in a play, play in a football or baseball team to participate in science fairs or computer clubs or play a musical instrument-whatever you enjoy and to help you highlight your best features. Do not push a specific activity to a force. Most children, no matter whether they are 3 or 13 years old, resist efforts to force them to do things that they enjoy. If they are pushed to do things they have not chosen to do, the result is frustration. Try to balance your child's experiences between activities already knows well and perform new activities or activities that he is not so.

You can help build self-confidence by giving tasks and family responsibilities in which he can succeed-saving dishwasher, cleaning his room or mowing the lawn.

. Help them feel safe and trust in themselves. The ability of young people to trust themselves unconditional love from their parents to help them feel safe and to develop the ability to solve their own problems. His son, just like all children, will face situations that require trust in yourself and others. But always worth your help to break through the tough situations with emotional development impaired. "We must teach our children how to cope with the problems they face, instead of easing the path," says teacher Anne Jolly.

. Talk about anxieties related to school violence and terrorism worldwide. Many children have seen the terrible images dies and destruction on television and the Internet. You can help your child understand that although our country has suffered awful terror, we are a strong people who can join and mutual support in difficult times. In addition, you can:

- Create a calm environment at home and in their own behavior. If your family has been directly affected by a terrorist attack or violence, this may be difficult. If you feel anxious, need to explain to your child what you are feeling and why. Children and young people are guided by emotional signals emitted by their loved ones.
- Listen carefully to what your child says. Reassure that adults in the world are working to increase safety in homes and schools.
- Help your child to discern between fiction and fact. Talk about the facts and avoid guessing, exaggerating or overreacting.
- Supervise the use of television, radio and the Internet. Prevent your child from seeing too many violent images, which can increase anxiety.
- Use examples from history (eg Pearl Harbor or the Challenger space shuttle explosion) to explain that sometimes bad things happen to the innocent, but people continue on with their lives and solve terrible situations in their lives.
- Maintain family routines as consistent as possible.

. Praise and encourage. Praise is meaningful to adolescents when they come from those who most want and who-their parents and other significant adults in their lives. When you praise your child build confidence in itself. But do not forget to praise must be sincere. It is going to realize very easily if it is not.

. Be patient. As adults, most people have developed confidence in themselves, which comes from years of experience with success, but after several years of exploring their strengths and weaknesses by emphasizing different aspects of their lives. Most of us would be very unhappy if we were to do only those things we do wrong. As adults we tend to find our strengths and, much as we can, we emphasize these areas more than others. For a teenager is very hard to minimize the areas where you feel safe. For example, it is very hard for a teenager who stands well academically focus on school instead of finding a mate if all your friends have girlfriends and I talk constantly about the importance of having someone special. This can be very frustrating for parents. You know that whether or not a couple to come out next Saturday is not what matters most in the long term, but can also see that at this moment he can not see well.